Weston

Back in the day we used to wake up thinking we lived in a place that had a clear identity. Then the internet got involved and now half the time our mail — and our reputation — ends up in Canberra, Brunswick or Canley Vale.

We are Weston, NSW, and our morning routine is a polite game of geographic dodge. We pour tea, go to the park — well, Time Out keeps fawning over Weston Park and the Weston Park Railway in Canberra, so tourists ask us where the miniature red train is. “Not here,” we say. “That one runs every half hour, and it’s in Weston Park.” As Time Out put it, that park is a top picnic spot; we’re happy to share the name, but can someone please stop tagging our postcode on their sunset photos?

Back in the day Broadsheet listed a Weston Eatery in Canley Vale (matcha hotcakes, eggless green breakfast bowl — very modern). We’ve enjoyed pretending it was ours while simultaneously taking credit for its menu and pretending to be outraged when it isn’t. Sitchu, meanwhile, mentioned Andre’s Osteria in Weston — that’s in the Weston Creek area — which led to an entire week of locals asking if our neighbourhood had suddenly become a Mediterranean wine bar.

We even have playgroup pedigree: the Weston Creek Playgroups listing tucked behind Chapman Shops in Gavin Place, Chapman, gets circulated whenever someone wants to prove Westons are great with small people and sandwich platters. We’ll own that one proudly: we like prams, we like playgrounds, and we like people congratulating us for community spirit that technically lives across the border.

Who would hate living here? Anyone who needs their suburb to be one thing and one thing only — the kind of person who gets angry when a map app shows three different Westons and insists that is “unacceptable.” Who would love it? Families who like parks and tiny trains, people who enjoy being low-key while the internet does the dramatic name-scramble for them, and anyone who appreciates a good identity crisis with their morning coffee.

We’re Weston, NSW: not Canberra’s picnic patch, not Brunswick’s Weston Street, and probably not the matcha hotcake joint you found online — but we’ll let you borrow our name for a sunset selfie.