Hillsborough

Back in the day — and by that we mean the only mentions the internet could find about “Hillsborough” were all mysteriously from other countries and corners of Australia — so here’s our cheeky, slightly annoyed local guide to the Hillsborough that actually answers to our postcode.

Morning: we like to imagine a scene where someone’s already queuing for cinnamon buns at Hill House Cafe at the Pah Homestead (72 Hillsborough Road), because Urban List once treated that as the ringing endorsement for any place called Hillsborough. As Urban List waxed lyrical about the gooey buns and the sister Farm House Cafe, we’re over here wondering why our actual streets don’t come up first when people search for brunch. Concrete Playground, meanwhile, remembered that dogs like a trot down to the shore — shoutout to Waikowhai Park and Wesley Bay in the piece about walks — but again, that’s the other Hillsborough doing the heavy lifting.

Our online personality crisis continues: Concrete Playground also name-checked Hills Kitchen (713/715 Richardson Road) for chips, and even Bluebells Cakery turned up in a cupcake montage. Broadsheet, bless it, dragged a Perth plot into the mix by pointing to Kakulas Sister Nollamara at 90 Hillsborough Drive, Nollamara. It’s like our suburb’s been outsourced to every Hillsborough within a 10,000-kilometre radius.

Petty local drama: there isn’t one in the files — perhaps because every spat gets buried under a torrent of doughnut shop addresses (161a Hillsborough Road, anyone?) and café gift-card listings (Cafe Homestead 72A, per Concrete Playground). So instead of gossip, we get confusion. Which, to be honest, is a vibe.

Who would hate it here: anyone who needs their suburb to be aggressively curated on every lifestyle list. If you want your postcode to headline every “best of” guide, you’ll spend your afternoons refreshing Urban List till you cry.

Who would love it here: people who prefer being low-key, off-the-radar and able to claim a bit of mystery. We’re the Hillsborough that doesn’t need to be everywhere online to be somewhere worth living — even if the internet keeps misplacing us next to a homestead, a park, and a very committed doughnut scene.