Gateshead

Back in the day we’d tell visitors two things about Gateshead and watch them squint: yes, we have a Metrocentre (and yes, the baby feeding room there impressed someone on BabyCentre), and no, that Baltic Centre for Contemporary Art upgrade wasn’t invented — Time Out was on about it. We’re the kind of place that gets name-checked in art-world captions: “Gateshead, Newcastle, England by Spencer Tunick” turns up in previews for exhibitions like TIDE and even the Story Bridge RISING TIDE chatter. Fancy, for a postcode people assume is all weekend shopping runs.

Our weekend rhythm used to look suspiciously simple. We’d corral the kids for Beamish Wild’s tree-top zips (Netmums included it in the “top places for a tree-top adventure” list), then retreat to the Metrocentre where at least one parent had already praised the feeding room on BabyCentre. If a friend from out of town needed a bed, we’d point them to the Concrete Playground Trips listings — OYO The Royal Hotel was flagged as being a five-minute drive from Chinatown and St James’ Park, and there’s a Marriott Metrocentre search result that once existed on the same site. We don’t boast a café strip in every article, but we do show up in dependable, practical listings.

Petty local drama? The archives are conspicuously drama-free, which is either a blessing or the best-kept secret. Rather than scandals, the gossip tends to be logistical: which family day out to pick, whether the Baltic Centre extension will finally get built, and where the best feeding room is. Riveting stuff if your idea of a cliffhanger is a playgroup rota.

Who would hate living here: anyone who thinks culture = boutique espresso bars on every corner — the coverage we have is more about family outings, big shopping, and institutional art than indie nightlife. Who would love it: families who actually use the Metrocentre facilities, thrillseekers eyeing Beamish Wild, and anyone who gets a kick from seeing our name in the caption of a Spencer Tunick image or in Time Out’s notes about the Baltic Centre. We’re humble, practical, and inexplicably photogenic to art-world tourists — and that’s our charm.